I'm Lost Without You
by degrssibyrd
Summary: Eli and Clare are so close to being together but something was standing in the way.  Will Eli let down his guard for his new love interest?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This fanfic was inspired after I watched the promo for the upcoming Degrassi episodes and the Blink 182 song "Asthenia" . I'm a big Eclare fan so my story is going to focus around them. I do not own the characters or the show Degrassi. I hope you enjoy and comments are always welcomed.

"Things are going to be getting way more difficult," Eli said to his friend.

"I know man, I really dropped it on you. It's going to take some time to process but I swear I'm not going to go back and forth to Gracie anymore. I'm Adam. Always have been, always will be," the boy sitting next to him at the picnic table replied.

"No. It's not that. I mean, that was huge-don't get me wrong- but I'm fine with it. You just have to be yourself. That's what I've always believed in."

Adam adjusted his black skull cap, "then what is it?"

Eli didn't reply but quickly cast his green eyes over to the entrance of Degrassi. Adam followed his gaze trying to figure out who his friend was now staring intently at.

"I don't see them," he said.

"Who?"

"Fitz and Owen. I think they're both still suspended." Adam said wincing as his still bruised back touched the hard wooden table as he leaned back.

"Oh, those morons. No, this thing is far from over with them. What they did to me? What they did to you? Hell, even what they did to Drew. No…suspension was just a slap on the wrist as far as I'm concerned."

Adam put his hand up to shield out the blazing afternoon sun coming down on them.

"Then who are you talking about?"

"Hello…Clare"

Adam shifted up to his elbows, "Dude, you don't have to be such a jerk about it. I was just trying to figure it out."

"No, I mean, Hello. Clare." Eli said pointing towards the girl walking up to them.

"Hello Adam. Eli," Clare said smiling as she approached them. "It's getting pretty hot out here. I think it's going to be a warmer fall this year."

"Yeah," Adam agreed. "And this guy won't stop dressing in all black. I don't know how you aren't out here dying of heat stroke, man."

"I'm fine," Eli replied curtly causing Adam and Clare to exchange a quick glance in between them. They both could sense that comment meant something more than just talking about his choice in apparel.

"So, do you want to come over and work on that new assignment we got in English today? We could stop by The Dot first if you would like. I know I could use some coffee," Clare asked brushing her blonde curls that the breeze had blown into her face.

"Why don't you and Adam go and I'll meet up with you later to work on the assignment?" Eli said standing up and grabbed his backpack of the table. Clare didn't reply to him. She stood still obviously confused by Eli's lack of his usual humor and warmth. Adam cleared his throat trying to break some of the tension away.

"Yeah, I love me some coffee. Let's go Clare," Adam said getting to his feet.

Clare didn't say anything but nodded and slowly followed Adam. Eli took off in the opposite direction. His determination to get away as quickly as possible faltered for a moment because he knew that he had hurt her with his behavior. He turned his head to look behind him. She had turned back to look at him too and when their eyes met he felt his heart clench in his chest. She looked at him with those blue eyes that were beginning to tear up and he couldn't watch anymore. He broke into a light jog leaving his two friends behind. He shoved his other pair of headphones over his ears and turned the music up as loud as it could go.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Hello all! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. Here's the second part! Enjoy and again, comments are always welcomed!

"I don't know what's going on," Clare sighed as she traced the top of the coffee cup with her finger. She was growing frustrated. The green mug was reminding her too much of a certain person's emerald eyes, a certain person who never seemed to leave her thoughts for a long period of time.

"Maybe he has a lot on his mind?" Adam said. "There has been quite a bit of stuff going on at Degrassi lately if you hadn't noticed."

"Of course I have. I haven't been able to stop thinking about any of it. Everything is just becoming so crazy."

Adam flinched at the tone in her voice. Clare glanced over and saw the hurt look that passed over her friend's face.

"I mean, with my parents fighting and the trouble with Fitz and his loser friends," she quickly said correcting herself.

"And you are worried about Eli, right?" Adam asked.

"Well, not worried exactly. I'm more concerned with how he acts around me. One moment he's joking around, teasing me mercilessly in his own sweet…I mean…his own special way. Then the next minute it's like I'm a plate of glass and he's looking right through me."

Adam rolled his eyes then laughed. "Gosh, I'm sorry to laugh at you but this is getting ridiculous. I mean, the reason why you both are so bugged out is because you are both worried about the same thing; each other."

Clare shook her head, "I don't know what you mean."

"Dude, could it be any clearer? You like Eli. Eli likes you. It's a pretty simple equation. One of you just needs to get over testing this whole we-are-just-friends-and-english-partners bit, and just ask the other one out. I mean, you two are great but at the same time, you both are making me kind of sick."

"I guess it has been kind of dizzying to see us go back and forth like we do," she said with a small smile.

"I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of romantic comedy when it comes to you two. And I'm not into those. I'm a horror movie kind of a guy. Or even better…an action flick," he teased.

Clare looked at Adam as he raised his eyebrows and nodded as she caught onto the reference. She shook her head as the two laughed out loud causing the other coffee house patrons to glance over at them. Clare raised her hand up as an apology then raised her finger to her lips signaling to Adam that they should keep their conversation down.

"Someone might hear us," she whispered.

"And what? Tell Eli that you like him? I could only hope so!" Adam said.

Clare looked down at her watch, "It's getting pretty late. Do you think he's going to come at all?"

"Well, if he doesn't, you could always go out and look for him," Adam suggested as he picked up his mug and finished drinking his coffee.

"What if he doesn't want me to?" she asked.

"Want you to…?"

"Find him."

Adam pounded his fist on the table causing Clare to jump in her seat. "Look, you and Eli are two of the bravest people I have ever met. You both are strong, opinionated people who seem to have no problem telling anyone else anything. I don't know where this sudden shyness is coming from but you need to lose it. Both of you. You have never let Eli get away with anything before. You practically had laser beams coming out your eyes when he wrote a story about a character you didn't approve of. So you don't like how he's acting towards you? Well, go and tell him that!"

Clare looked at him with wide eyes, "wow Adam…just…wow."

"Sorry…"

She shook her head, "don't be. That's just what I needed to hear." A huge smile broke across her face as she threw her arms around Adam embracing him in a big hug. Adam was still for a moment but then patted her arm in reassurance.

"Glad I could help," he said.

Clare raced to gather up her belongings and shoved them in her green bag.

"I'll catch up with you later?"

"Sure, Clare. Good luck."

Clare quickly walked out of The Dot. She stopped on the street, looking both ways as if trying to find a sign that would point her direction. Her heart was beating furiously. What was he going to say? She decided to go left towards the park they had all gone to when Adam had his "farewell to Gracie" bonfire. It was just like the situation with her parents. She hated the uneasiness, the unknown, but it did not seem to really matter now. She was going to take another risk, just like Eli had been encouraging her to do all of the time. She was not sure what it was going to cost her, but she knew she had to try.

Comeing soon: Part Three: A Confrontation!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thank you for continuing to read my story! I am having such a fun time with these great characters from the show! I wanted to say that all of the lines in italics are not my work but actual lines taken from this past Degrassi episode. I do not own Degrassi or any of the characters. Hope you enjoy!

"_Which one of you wants to be Romeo?_ "She had sweetly asked. Eli had jumped to the chance. He volunteered himself faster than even he had thought possible. The words had just come out of his mouth.

"_I will," he had replied._

"Oh, that was so stupid of me," he said while holding his head in his hands. He rubbed his green eyes furiously and let out a long sigh. Everything about that one moment had been perfect. The sun rays had made her beautiful strawberry blonde hair shine against her pale ivory skin. Her blue eyes had sparkled with anticipation of what he would do next. The electricity he felt course through him as he saw her smile as she leaned towards him just waiting for him to kiss her. It was just...wonderful. The truth was that he had loved kissing her.

"I don't deserve this! I don't deserve her! Don't you remember what I did? " he yelled out loud in frustration.

Why did he let it get this far? He knew that he had fallen for her a long time ago. He knew that he should have kept their relationship to just a simple partnership that started and ended when the bell rang signaling the end of English class.

"It's because I'm selfish. I'm a selfish person. I need her. She's the only one who has made me feel alive again," he said answering his own question. He looked up at the other park patrons who were now staring curiously at him.

"Yes! You are right! I'm talking to myself because the squirrels aren't being very conversational today! Are you happy now?" he shouted at a group of people who then quickly turned their attention back to their picnic. He glanced over at the park gates and saw her standing there looking around.

His mouth moved into a small crooked smile, "Oh…I knew you would come Clare, but you still can't find me. Not right now," he said quickly walking back into the dense forest and disappearing before she could see him.

The next morning…

Eli stood his ground. He knew he had too. She was growing more upset by the minute and it took all of his inner strength not to break down and comfort her. He could see how bothered she was that he hadn't returned her calls last night and he could tell how hard she was trying to remain strong as she declared her feelings for him. Her voice was wavering and he could see the tears springing into her eyes.

"_I'm sorry I led you on," he replied._

"_Wow"_ was all that she had said as she backed away from the verbal slap he had given her. She glared at him as she returned to her bike and left him standing at his car. Eli stared down at car trying to hold back his own tears. He forced himself to start naming all the parts of the car's engine in order to calm down.

"Great, now she thinks I'm a sociopath without any feelings!" he thought angrily slamming his wrench around. Maybe it was better this way, although he wasn't sure who was now going to have an easier time with the outcome. Eli felt his body beginning to turn cold as he began to feel the loss of his friend. She wasn't going to be there anymore. Why would she? That bright light in his life that he was beginning to love had been extinguished in one whole minute and he was left in the darkness once again.

Coming next: Part four: The truth?


End file.
